Read This If You're Falling Behind in Life

I know the feeling. The feeling that everyone else is ahead of you. The feeling that everyone else is doing big, fantastic things with their lives but you aren't. 

This feeling comes and goes for me--sometimes it is subtle, and other times it's almost unbearable.

I started college at 17, and even when I graduated in only 3 1/2 years I felt like everyone else was still ahead of me. I felt like I wasn't doing enough. I felt like I wouldn't ever be enough, and my constant trying was of no use.

Now as I see friends and old classmates my age and even younger getting married, starting families, traveling the world...the feeling of not being as far along in my life as I should be intensifies.

I should be married! (Thinks the girl with no boyfriend.) I want babies! (Thinks the girl who can't keep a plant alive.) I want to travel the world and see amazing places while I'm young! (Thinks the girl who has been ill for 6 months, barely able to leave bed some days.)

I'm about to tell you something only because I need to remind myself.

We all have different stories. We all are shaped by different events in our life--those we choose, and also those that choose us. It would be impossible for every single person to be on the same life path.

Aside from the fact that social media makes others' lives appear perfectly seamless, put-together, and successful, there is also the reality that they're just different.

Can you imagine how boring it would be if you walked into a library full of books, only to find that every single book was exactly the same? The books looked different, sure, but upon opening each and every book you found that the words were identical--the stories the same. 

Those people who get married at 19 aren't any 'farther along in life' than the person who is still in college working toward a degree. They're also not farther along than the person who is still saving to go to college, or even the person that decided college wasn't for them.

The person who gets a 9-5 job straight out of college isn't farther along in life than the person who decides to take a year off to travel the world. They're also not farther along than the person who spends a year doing countless interviews but can't seem to catch a break.

Those that struggle with addiction, illness, injuries, and traumatic life changes are not miles behind those who are coasting along. They're just in the middle of their story's conflict. Like any good story, the resolution will come.

There is no such thing as being 'far ahead' or 'farther along' in life because we cannot read the whole story yet. I always was the kid reading ahead to the end of the book, so this really bums me out.

There is no sense in feeling like we should be doing more, accomplishing more, or be at a different place in our lives because that's simply not how it works. (Sorry.)

I'm not saying we shouldn't set goals, work hard, and strive to better ourselves. I am saying that we are where we are in this very moment because that's just how our story goes.

You're not falling behind in life. You just have a different story.

STRESS vs. ANXIETY

The terms "stress" and "anxiety" are used interchangeably in everyday conversation. This makes me want to rip my hair out.

STRESS is a response to daily pressures. It's normal--even good, at times. 

ANXIETY has no identifiable root cause. This is because it is a LEGITIMATE mental disorder. If you say you're "so anxious because of ____" you are using the word anxiety incorrectly. You're stressed. Worried, maybe. Nervous. Overwhelmed. NOT having anxiety. If it were anxiety, you wouldn't know why you're feeling what you're feeling.

STRESS typically goes away when the stressor is taken out of the picture. If it does not completely go away, it is still drastically reduced and that reduction can be attributed to the stressor no longer being an issue.

ANXIETY usually does not go away when things change. Things can be perfectly fine and anxiety can strike-- leaving one paralyzed.

STRESS causes your blood pressure to rise due to the release of adrenaline. It can cause your heart to race and pupils to dilate, preparing to take action.

ANXIETY can be debilitating. Heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, anger, depersonalization, extreme panic, clenched jaws, muscle spasms, lack of oxygen, and the strongest feeling of impending doom imaginable. Obligations because impossible. Simple tasks become increasingly difficult. Talking takes all of one's energy.

STRESS is normal, and everyone experiences it regularly.

ANXIETY is not, and only 1.5% of the US population is believed to have diagnosable anxiety.

So PLEASE. Next time you or someone else uses the word "anxiety" in place of "stress", think about what that is doing. That is belittling a serious mental illness that is not even in the same zipcode as just 'being stressed.'

I'm not saying you have to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to experience it, because so many go undiagnosed. If you experience symptoms of anxiety for at least 6 months then you should absolutely TALK to someone and consider your options. Anxiety is an awful monster, but you're stronger than it. So am I. 

What Really Matters Doesn't Really Even Matter

I find it both interesting and disturbing that often, the things we think about, stress about and make ourselves sick over are the least important things in our lives.

So many people make their lives about weight loss and fitness--sometimes this escalates to a place of obsession and disorder. Sometimes the damage is irreversible without extreme intervention and help. Sometimes this causes them to burn out and rebound in the opposite direction. All of the time, it causes shame, guilt, and unhappiness.

So many of us spend 85% of our waking hours focused on how we physically appear to others or how we portray ourselves on our various social media platforms--in general, we are extremely hyper-focused on what others may think of us. 

Far too often we make ourselves sick over getting everything done. We wake up with a "To Do" list that competes with a Tolkien novel. Unless we check off every item on that list we view ourselves as a failure. We weren't as productive as we could've been--as we should've been.

We always want the next best thing--the newest phone, nicest clothes, trendy accessories, ridiculously priced celebrity lip kit...

We stress about the money that we need to attain all of these luxuries that are no longer viewed as luxuries--no, they're now necessities. We need these things in order to thrive. In order to show the world that we mean something. 

The cleanest, most non-GMO, organic, vegan lunch. The flat stomach and huge round butt. The big plump lips. The designer clothes and shoes. The perfect Instagram aesthetic. The whitest teeth and softest, longest hair. The fastest car. The 5-day juice cleanse that really should just come with a warning or an adult diaper. The most followers. The perfect job. The tannest skin. More. More. More!

I find it so very intriguing that the things we place the most focus on are the things that do not matter.

Imagine if we all stressed over the amount of good deeds we did that day instead of how terrible our new haircut looks?

Picture a world where people have extreme anxiety over the fact that many people on this planet are starving, dying of disease, and homeless, instead of anxiety over an acne breakout or a text message with no response. (Or worse: 'K')

Pretend that we spent our free hours writing letters to those we miss, spending 100% quality, undivided time with family and loved ones, or serving those in need rather than scrolling through Instagram, online shopping for more things to stress about, and working overtime to make more money to BUY more things to stress about.

What if we simply took all of the wasted time, energy, and mental strain that we place on these unimportant things and replaced them with lovely, beautiful, meaningful things?

Your body, your possessions, your social status...none of these things will be with you when you die. Heck, they won't even be here next year, because we are always changing, evolving, growing...

Spend less time focused on the things that do not matter. Spend more time doing things to enrich your soul and the souls of those around you. When you do this, you will find that the things that really mattered before are a grain of sand on the beach of our lives. When you do this, you will find happiness without even searching for it. 

The sooner we can realize that what 'matters' doesn't really even matter, the sooner we can be happy. The sooner we can actually live our lives. The sooner we can be free.

Why it's So Important to Own Your Story

Are you aware that you're the only 'you' on the planet? You probably are aware of this, but I figured I would remind you.

Just in case.

You have a story. Since you're the only one like you, your story is different than EVERYONE else's story.

It's very easy to hide and protect our stories like sheltered children. It's easy not to share with others the things that we tirelessly struggle with just because it's hard and we don't really like being vulnerable. Being vulnerable means we can get hurt, and that's not fun.

Just because it's easy, does that mean it's what we should do? HECK TO THE NO.

It is so crucial for us to share our stories and OWN them. Do you know how many people you can help simply because you decided to speak up? (I'll answer that by quoting Mean Girls: the limit does not exist!)

When you try to pretend that your story is not your own, you are selling yourself short of the power to write an amazing ending. When you lose power as writer of your story, you give up ownership; thus, someone else will continue your story for you. It's going to get published one way or another. Wouldn't you like to have a say in the plot, the climax, and the resolution? (Maybe pick a Prince Charming as well? Eh? Eh?)

We try to put labels on ourselves when in reality we are not simply one thing or two things or even ten things. You see it all the time on social media, because so many sites ask you to write a bio for yourself...how many times do you see "Becca // Fitness // Clean Eating // CPT // Dog Lover" in an Instagram bio?! You're limiting yourself, Becca. YOU'RE MORE THAN A CLEAN EATING DOG LOVER! 

Don't you want the power to be anything? To change your story? Before you can do that, you must own your story. Share it. Accept and embrace it. It's yours! Good or bad--it's yours.

I'm not saying you must share your story with a frighteningly large amount of people on the Internet like myself and many other writers out there. I'm just saying share it. Whether it's with your church, your friends, your family, your co-workers...just share it.

"When we deny our stories, they define us.
When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending."

- Brene Brown, Rising Strong

What Makes You Think You're So Special?

What makes you think you're so special?

What makes you think that you're different? Unique? An exception to the rules? 

Why do you think that everyone else deserves happiness but you don't? Why do you invariably sell yourself short of the wonderful things that life has to offer because you don't believe you're worthy?

Why do you allow your brain to lie to you? To make you feel small?

Why do you assume that everyone else is capable of being loved but you are not? Is it because you think you are different? Unique? An exception?

Why do you read the tales of others who find happiness and create exquisite lives and tell yourself that it is simply not attainable for you?

Why do you continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors despite the lack of fulfillment--the desolation it leaves in your soul?

Why do you compare yourself to everyone else and categorically place yourself below them?

Why is it okay for you to cater to others' wants and needs, yet neglect and destroy your own? Why is it fine to lift up others but kick yourself down?

Is it because you think you're different? Unique? An exception?

What makes you think you're so special?

...

The ironic and inescapable narcissism of depression breaks my heart.

You are special. But not in the way that you think.

You are so special, in fact, that you deserve the utmost amount of happiness in the universe. You can attain the same joy and love that you view in the lives of others. 

Life isn't Hard.

Let me just preface this post by saying that I am someone who fully recognizes the fact that life is hard. It can absolutely suck. Life can be going swimmingly, and suddenly it throws you 907 curveballs ALL AT ONCE. 

Life is extremely hard. But it's not.

Recently, I have really been focusing on energies, intentions, and vibes (all that yippie-hippie stuff). Despite whatever unfortunate and miserable events I am going through in my life, I cannot deny that the power of setting positive intentions and putting out hopeful energy has the power to make a world of difference in how I experience life.

We have all heard the saying claiming something to extent that 'we experience the world the way we choose to see the world.' It's true! 

Say we have two completely different men--one lives in a rural town in Kentucky, while the other lives in upstate New York. Both of these men have a wife, two children, and a dog named Steve. (Human dog names are my favorite.) 

Both of these men graduated from college, got a job as a salesman, and have been able to provide for their families. To sum it up, the two men have lived very similar lives.

Suppose for a moment that both of these men get the news that their wife has cheated on them. 

The first man grieves, but eventually regains his desire to date again and ultimately remarries a wonderful woman. His children stay with him every other week, and he decides to maintain a healthy acquaintanceship with his ex-wife for the sake of their kids. He is happy.

The second man grieves, as well, but decides to swear off women entirely because all women are lying, cheating, horribly awful people. His wife takes custody of their children because he is such a wreck emotionally and physically. He lives in solitude. No, loneliness. He spends nights binge drinking. His job disintegrates between his fingers. He is not happy.

What happened here?

The two men decided to see their world in drastically different ways. The first man realized that what happened was, indeed, terrible... but he held on to hope and fought on in pursuit of a happy life. 

The second man gave up. His world was shattered, and nothing mattered anymore. He was destined to a life of misery from the moment he decided that his life would only ever be miserable.

So, yes. Life is hard. It's so hard. But we don't need to spend our lives thinking that life is hard.

If we can make a point every single day--maybe multiple times a day--to set the intention that life is a beautiful thing...maybe it will become a beautiful thing. 

And maybe things won't immediately improve for us, and we will get thrown another curveball. But if we can sincerely hope for greatness and recognize that our lives will not be fulfilling until we let them fulfill us, then surely we have a better shot, no?

You don't need to tell yourself that life is hard, because life will show you that it is hard. Tell yourself that life is beautiful, amazing, and enriching...because life will begin to become all of those things for you. 

Everything Happens For A Reason (And You'll Be Okay)

Life is full of moments that shake us up, throw us for a giant loop, tear us down, and punch us repeatedly in the throat.

Sometimes things happen to us that seem horrible, painful, unfair, and heartbreaking.

Too many times do people enter our lives and we believe that those people will stay forever. We cannot imagine life without them--there IS no life without them. When you imagine your future you imagine a future with the other person in mind.

These things don't happen by chance--not by bad luck. Every single thing--good AND bad--absolutely happens for a reason.

These things that seem so heartbreaking and painful at first--often times for a LONG matter of time--seem to have no shot at getting better.

Things will never look up. Life as we know it is absolutely destroyed and our happiness will never return. 

Upon reflection of these very painful events and circumstances, however, we can realize that without overcoming these obstacles we never would have realized our potential, strength, willpower, heart, soul...

Everything happens for a reason. 

Sickness, injury, love, failures, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of our souls.

Without these disturbances and inconveniences, our lives would be smoothly paved roads. These roads would be simple, easy, enjoyable, even...but ultimately they would lead us nowhere. These roads are safe and comfortable, of course...but devastatingly unsatisfying.

The bumpiest rides at Disneyland are the most fun, anyway.  

Every single person we relate to has the ability to affect our lives. The successes, the failures...the people we encounter and build relationships with will inevitably help us create ourselves and help us become who we will become. The positive influences in our lives are essential and key--but what about those that hurt us?

Those that show us unconditional love and then suddenly leave our hearts in peril and distress?

Those that backstab us?

Those that mock us? Betray us? Destroy us?

Those are the most poignant.

Forgive that person who hurt you or broke your heart, for they have given you experiences, feelings, growth, and love galore. They have helped you learn about trust and being cautious to who you share your love and time with. 

Some moments that we take for granted may never be able to be experienced again. 

These trying experiences that hurt us to the point of physical pain--these are the experiences that matter most in our lives. These are the moments that every moment of our lives until that point are tested, and it is up to us to be strong enough to keep going.

Everything absolutely happens for a reason. Do not fight these things that happen to you--do not ask why-- because in the end whatever is meant to be will be.

Take a deep breath and take it one moment at a time until your heart heals and you can reflect on that moment and realize how very critical that pain was. 

The future is always brighter. Better things are coming for you. And one day, I promise, things will all make sense. 

Eat More, Weigh Less?

Hi humans!

I'm just going to jump right into what I want to say today: eating less does not equate to weighing less.

A couple of days ago I was in my yoga class when I heard three girls behind me talking about their 1200-calorie-a-day-paleo-diet which consisted of NO fruit, no grains, lots of chicken, turkey, and more chicken. One of the girls talked about how she had a hard time FILLING her macros (lol wut), and how she was planning on cutting her intake further the next week. (LOL WUT)

I listened to them talk about this for quite a while before I finally turned around.

"You know, I eat upwards of 6,000 calories a day. Mostly carbs."

They looked at me with shock and disbelief. 

"Do you like, run a lot?"

"No. Not at all."

"You're like, really skinny.."

"Yeah, I recently gained 20 pounds, too."

"You don't gain weight eating 6000 calories?"

"No. I have been trying but it seems the more I eat the harder it is to gain weight."

"I wish I could do that!"

"You can. You're essentially starving yourself eating that little."

*stops talking, even though I want to start lecturing*

In the past, hearing people talk about their low-calorie diets and intense exercise regimens would trigger me like no other. Now, it just makes me sad FOR THEM.

With no disrespect, the girls in that class that were talking about their 1200 calorie diet were not slim. Rather, they were quite overweight. 

Based on the fact that (through my eavesdropping) I learned that this 1200 calorie diet had been going on for two years now, obviously something is not working. 

Our society has a really huge problem with believing that eating less is going to make them lose weight. Um, no.

Yes, the amount of energy you consume is relevant to the energy expended--but all you are doing by eating that little is KILLING your metabolism and making it impossible to lose weight because your body is desperately clinging to any and all of the food you give it.

Once you start giving your body the energy is really needs and deserves, your metabolism will be on fire and start working normally again.

I believe EVERYONE should consume at least 2500. As a minimum.

You're a man? More. You exercise? More. You use your brain a lot on a daily basis? More. Pregnant? More. Pretty much if you do anything other than lay in bed all day--more. 

I'm not recommending that everyone eats as much as I do, because I know that my metabolism is ridiculously fast and it is uncommon. I get that. However, the people who think that eating LESS is going to make them weigh less are really missing out on thousands of calories of food that could actually be helping them LOSE weight.

There are countless stories out there of people who were running miles upon miles every day and eating a minuscule amount of calories--only to be "skinny fat" and not making the progress that they want. Enter: more calories and less cardio (usually replaced with strength training) and that person suddenly has their ideal physique. Imagine that.

The stress of cardio on your body mixed with such a low amount of calories sends your body into confusion and panic mode. It holds onto every bit of food because it's unsure when it will be fed again. Not good.

I could talk for hours about this, but I'll just leave you with this:

Eat more, weigh less.

(No I'm not saying you can just eat and eat and never gain weight indefinitely.)

Give your body what it needs and it will thank you. Stop the stupid restrictive diets and eliminating food groups because you think it will make you skinny. Just stop. 

If you choose to ignore this message, no problem. I'll just be over here with my carb-filled bagel and continue struggling to GAIN weight.

Friendly Reminders

Hi humans!

Today, I have some friendly reminders for you all.

1. Just because fruit has sugar does not make it "bad." If you're restricting fruit from your diet because someone told you bananas are high in sugar--I'm sorry. Whoever told you that was misinformed and clearly unaware that fruit is, in fact, healthy for you. 

2. If someone is being rude to you and you feel awful about yourself after, remember that their actions are solely a reflection of how they feel about themselves. I know for a fact that I'm sassier to my boyfriend when I'm having a bad body image day, or am not feeling 100% mentally. Don't let mean people get you down.

3. Serving other people will make you feel better. If you're having a bad day I can almost guarantee that it will make you feel a thousand times better if you go out of your way to do something for someone else. It doesn't even have to be huge! Something as simple as writing a note, giving a call, or baking cookies for a friend...doing these things literally releases happy hormones into that bod of yours.

4. You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. I know you've heard it before, but honestly--you don't. When I was little, this phrase had a different meaning. It was what my mom told me when I wanted the new, cool toy. Now, it means that I don't have to follow the diet trend, fashion fad, or workout regimen that is being portrayed by society as the "the thing to do." Nope! You don't have to do it. I promise.

5. The people who care about you will not think that you're a burden if you ask for help. If you need help, ASK. 

6. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to alter plans that you have had for a long, long time. You do not have to finish everything you start. Doing so does not make you a failure--would you rather drive all the way down the wrong road, only to have to come back...or would you rather make a u-turn as soon as possible? 

7. No number can define you. Not weight, height, age, waist size, GPA, salary, debt...no. Numbers mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. As hard as this is because we tend to put numbers as #1 in our efforts, it's important to remember that a number really is silly and meaningless. 

8. You don't have to "deserve" a food, and similarly, you don't have to burn of anything you eat that you consider "bad." Balance is a term that is emphasized a lot nowadays--my thoughts? I say screw balance. If you want to eat a gallon of ice cream sometimes, do it. If you want to skip the gym for a year, do it. Do what makes you feel good, and don't justify everything you do by saying #balance. 

9. You're hot. Really, look at that butt. Work it, sista. (Or brotha.)