Read This If You're Falling Behind in Life

I know the feeling. The feeling that everyone else is ahead of you. The feeling that everyone else is doing big, fantastic things with their lives but you aren't. 

This feeling comes and goes for me--sometimes it is subtle, and other times it's almost unbearable.

I started college at 17, and even when I graduated in only 3 1/2 years I felt like everyone else was still ahead of me. I felt like I wasn't doing enough. I felt like I wouldn't ever be enough, and my constant trying was of no use.

Now as I see friends and old classmates my age and even younger getting married, starting families, traveling the world...the feeling of not being as far along in my life as I should be intensifies.

I should be married! (Thinks the girl with no boyfriend.) I want babies! (Thinks the girl who can't keep a plant alive.) I want to travel the world and see amazing places while I'm young! (Thinks the girl who has been ill for 6 months, barely able to leave bed some days.)

I'm about to tell you something only because I need to remind myself.

We all have different stories. We all are shaped by different events in our life--those we choose, and also those that choose us. It would be impossible for every single person to be on the same life path.

Aside from the fact that social media makes others' lives appear perfectly seamless, put-together, and successful, there is also the reality that they're just different.

Can you imagine how boring it would be if you walked into a library full of books, only to find that every single book was exactly the same? The books looked different, sure, but upon opening each and every book you found that the words were identical--the stories the same. 

Those people who get married at 19 aren't any 'farther along in life' than the person who is still in college working toward a degree. They're also not farther along than the person who is still saving to go to college, or even the person that decided college wasn't for them.

The person who gets a 9-5 job straight out of college isn't farther along in life than the person who decides to take a year off to travel the world. They're also not farther along than the person who spends a year doing countless interviews but can't seem to catch a break.

Those that struggle with addiction, illness, injuries, and traumatic life changes are not miles behind those who are coasting along. They're just in the middle of their story's conflict. Like any good story, the resolution will come.

There is no such thing as being 'far ahead' or 'farther along' in life because we cannot read the whole story yet. I always was the kid reading ahead to the end of the book, so this really bums me out.

There is no sense in feeling like we should be doing more, accomplishing more, or be at a different place in our lives because that's simply not how it works. (Sorry.)

I'm not saying we shouldn't set goals, work hard, and strive to better ourselves. I am saying that we are where we are in this very moment because that's just how our story goes.

You're not falling behind in life. You just have a different story.

STRESS vs. ANXIETY

The terms "stress" and "anxiety" are used interchangeably in everyday conversation. This makes me want to rip my hair out.

STRESS is a response to daily pressures. It's normal--even good, at times. 

ANXIETY has no identifiable root cause. This is because it is a LEGITIMATE mental disorder. If you say you're "so anxious because of ____" you are using the word anxiety incorrectly. You're stressed. Worried, maybe. Nervous. Overwhelmed. NOT having anxiety. If it were anxiety, you wouldn't know why you're feeling what you're feeling.

STRESS typically goes away when the stressor is taken out of the picture. If it does not completely go away, it is still drastically reduced and that reduction can be attributed to the stressor no longer being an issue.

ANXIETY usually does not go away when things change. Things can be perfectly fine and anxiety can strike-- leaving one paralyzed.

STRESS causes your blood pressure to rise due to the release of adrenaline. It can cause your heart to race and pupils to dilate, preparing to take action.

ANXIETY can be debilitating. Heart palpitations, dizziness, nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, anger, depersonalization, extreme panic, clenched jaws, muscle spasms, lack of oxygen, and the strongest feeling of impending doom imaginable. Obligations because impossible. Simple tasks become increasingly difficult. Talking takes all of one's energy.

STRESS is normal, and everyone experiences it regularly.

ANXIETY is not, and only 1.5% of the US population is believed to have diagnosable anxiety.

So PLEASE. Next time you or someone else uses the word "anxiety" in place of "stress", think about what that is doing. That is belittling a serious mental illness that is not even in the same zipcode as just 'being stressed.'

I'm not saying you have to be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder to experience it, because so many go undiagnosed. If you experience symptoms of anxiety for at least 6 months then you should absolutely TALK to someone and consider your options. Anxiety is an awful monster, but you're stronger than it. So am I. 

What Really Matters Doesn't Really Even Matter

I find it both interesting and disturbing that often, the things we think about, stress about and make ourselves sick over are the least important things in our lives.

So many people make their lives about weight loss and fitness--sometimes this escalates to a place of obsession and disorder. Sometimes the damage is irreversible without extreme intervention and help. Sometimes this causes them to burn out and rebound in the opposite direction. All of the time, it causes shame, guilt, and unhappiness.

So many of us spend 85% of our waking hours focused on how we physically appear to others or how we portray ourselves on our various social media platforms--in general, we are extremely hyper-focused on what others may think of us. 

Far too often we make ourselves sick over getting everything done. We wake up with a "To Do" list that competes with a Tolkien novel. Unless we check off every item on that list we view ourselves as a failure. We weren't as productive as we could've been--as we should've been.

We always want the next best thing--the newest phone, nicest clothes, trendy accessories, ridiculously priced celebrity lip kit...

We stress about the money that we need to attain all of these luxuries that are no longer viewed as luxuries--no, they're now necessities. We need these things in order to thrive. In order to show the world that we mean something. 

The cleanest, most non-GMO, organic, vegan lunch. The flat stomach and huge round butt. The big plump lips. The designer clothes and shoes. The perfect Instagram aesthetic. The whitest teeth and softest, longest hair. The fastest car. The 5-day juice cleanse that really should just come with a warning or an adult diaper. The most followers. The perfect job. The tannest skin. More. More. More!

I find it so very intriguing that the things we place the most focus on are the things that do not matter.

Imagine if we all stressed over the amount of good deeds we did that day instead of how terrible our new haircut looks?

Picture a world where people have extreme anxiety over the fact that many people on this planet are starving, dying of disease, and homeless, instead of anxiety over an acne breakout or a text message with no response. (Or worse: 'K')

Pretend that we spent our free hours writing letters to those we miss, spending 100% quality, undivided time with family and loved ones, or serving those in need rather than scrolling through Instagram, online shopping for more things to stress about, and working overtime to make more money to BUY more things to stress about.

What if we simply took all of the wasted time, energy, and mental strain that we place on these unimportant things and replaced them with lovely, beautiful, meaningful things?

Your body, your possessions, your social status...none of these things will be with you when you die. Heck, they won't even be here next year, because we are always changing, evolving, growing...

Spend less time focused on the things that do not matter. Spend more time doing things to enrich your soul and the souls of those around you. When you do this, you will find that the things that really mattered before are a grain of sand on the beach of our lives. When you do this, you will find happiness without even searching for it. 

The sooner we can realize that what 'matters' doesn't really even matter, the sooner we can be happy. The sooner we can actually live our lives. The sooner we can be free.

What Makes You Think You're So Special?

What makes you think you're so special?

What makes you think that you're different? Unique? An exception to the rules? 

Why do you think that everyone else deserves happiness but you don't? Why do you invariably sell yourself short of the wonderful things that life has to offer because you don't believe you're worthy?

Why do you allow your brain to lie to you? To make you feel small?

Why do you assume that everyone else is capable of being loved but you are not? Is it because you think you are different? Unique? An exception?

Why do you read the tales of others who find happiness and create exquisite lives and tell yourself that it is simply not attainable for you?

Why do you continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors despite the lack of fulfillment--the desolation it leaves in your soul?

Why do you compare yourself to everyone else and categorically place yourself below them?

Why is it okay for you to cater to others' wants and needs, yet neglect and destroy your own? Why is it fine to lift up others but kick yourself down?

Is it because you think you're different? Unique? An exception?

What makes you think you're so special?

...

The ironic and inescapable narcissism of depression breaks my heart.

You are special. But not in the way that you think.

You are so special, in fact, that you deserve the utmost amount of happiness in the universe. You can attain the same joy and love that you view in the lives of others. 

Surviving vs. Thriving: Why I Choose Survive

I've seen a lot of articles titled something like, "How to Thrive and Not Just Survive in Life," or "Surviving is No Way to Live--You Must Thrive!" In the past, I found that these types of articles inspired and motivated me to be better--to do more, be more, create more. They caused me to take a look at my life and decide if I was surviving or thriving, and helped me make my life more meaningful and important.

Nowadays--not so much. 

After 6 months of facing a mystery illness that has caused me to constantly feel the worst sickness I've ever experienced and more pain than I can describe, I've decided to redefine what survive and thrive mean to me.

The past six months I've been pushing myself to continue living my life. I've gone to work feeling like death, I've been contemplating a move out of state to start a high-paying job, and I've tried to keep pushing myself to reach various goals that I set for myself. Needless to say, I'm burnt out and exhausted because of this. I'm trying to thrive, but my body is too sick to thrive. I'm not thriving. I'm actually getting worse.

What I really need to do right now is just survive. I need to stop stressing myself out with work. I need to step away from work, from job searching, from trying to perfect everything in my life because I cannot do any of those things until I get better.

I don't know when I'll get better. I don't know when the doctors, if ever, will finally make a miraculous breakthrough and tell me what's wrong with me and how I can fix it. I HAVE NO DANG CLUE! It sucks, but it's the reality.

The reality is that I simply will not be able to thrive until I am better. I can try to adapt to the constant sickness and pain, ignore my body telling me to stop trying to do all the things, and accept this new normal--or, I can take time off from life and focus ALL of my effort on getting to the bottom of my health problems. That should be my only focus in life right now. I can't move states, get a new job, find a husband, have children, or live any sort of a 'normal' life if I continue to be this ill.

This is so hard for me. It's so hard for me to be 'lazy' and to not have 500 goals and a to-do list every day. It's so hard for me to lay in bed while everyone else is out 'grinding.' GOSH IT'S HARD!

But I have a better shot of getting to the bottom of this mysterious ailment if my mind isn't elsewhere. I have a better shot at getting better.

Once I get better, I can thrive. For now, I just have to survive.

If you're sick, or hurt, or mentally drained--I suggest you take the same approach as me. Allow your mind and body to heal completely before you resume your thriving lifestyle. Otherwise, you'll be stuck in a quasi-thriving, unfulfilling life because you failed to address your issues. Get better, then be better. 

I WILL SURVIVE! (I had to.)