20 Disordered Eating Habits Deemed Acceptable

I want to keep this post short and sweet because I'm super passionate about this topic and I don't want my computer to explode due to rapid typing for 6+ hours.

Starving oneself, bingeing, purging, or overly fixating on 'clean' or 'healthy' foods is dangerous and often a sign of an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia, binge eating disorder, orthorexia, EDNOS/OSFED or ARFID. An eating disorder is a serious illness and treatment is needed in that situation.

But there are so many other eating habits that show disordered eating--many of these actions are actually deemed ACCEPTABLE and GOOD and RIGHT by society. Just because one does not have an eating disorder does not mean that they are "healthy" or a "normal eater." 

Let's take a look at some of the practices that can show disordered eating. Disordered eating can lead to a more serious eating disorder which is why it is so imperative to notice if you or a loved one are exhibiting any of these behaviors. You can make an effort to end these behaviors before they spiral into something that is much harder to come back from.

DISORDERED EATING LOOKS LIKE:

1. Obsessive calorie counting and fixation on staying at or below an unreasonable calorie goal.

2. Cutting food into tiny pieces; eating very slowly; eating very quickly; moving food around on the plate.

3. Only eating on certain plates or with certain utensils.

4. Using very small utensils to eat. 

5. Inflexible meal times.

6. Only eating at home.

7. Bringing prepared food with you everywhere you go. (EVEN IF you are eating ENOUGH and not restricting--bringing food everywhere is not something that is NORMAL therefore it is categorized as disordered. I'm not saying this is inherently wrong and it's totally fine to occasionally bring food obviously, but if you ALWAYS bring your own food and refuse to eat out or eat anything off of a plan, that's disordered. Period.)

8. Weighing or measuring food. COUNTING MACROS. Yep, that's disordered. Why? Because it's not NORMAL. Again, I'm not saying that you shouldn't count macros but just know that it is a form of disordered eating. Anything other than honoring your hunger and having to DO MATH in order to eat IS DISORDERED. 

9. Frequent weight fluctuations.

10. Yo-yo dieting.

11. Feelings of guilt and/or shame when you can't stick to your food plan (AND IT WILL HAPPEN BECAUSE WE ARE HUMANS THAT ARE NOT MEANT TO BE ON ANY TYPE OF DIET) or exercise habits.

12. Pre-occupation with food and/or body in a way that it negatively affects your life. Be honest here.

13. Using compensatory measures--exercise, restriction, laxatives, diuretics, fasting, purging--to make up for eating food. (Or using coffee, energy drinks, caffeine, or chewing gum to blunt hunger.) 

14. Only eating food with a certain macronutrient--usually protein.

15. NOT eating food with a certain macronutrient--usually carbs or fat. WE NEED CARBS, PEOPLE. Fat, too. But everyone likes to cut carbs because they think it is a quick fix. Nope. Have fun being hangry and fatigued.

16. A sudden interest in cooking/baking when before you had no interest; baking for others and not eating it; hoarding food that you never eat; baking protein treats ALL OF THE TIME (honestly real pancakes are better BYE).

17. Not eating before/after a certain time.

18. Intermittent fasting.

19. Any type of exclusionary diet (I'll let veganism/vegetarianism slide if it's for ethical reasons) such as: paleo, Atkins, low-carb, no-carb, South Beach, Weight Watchers, SlimFast...OR ANY FREAKING SKINNY TEATOX THAT JUST MAKES YOU POOP YOUR BRAINS OUT.

20. Anything other than eating when you're hungry and stopping when you're full (usually--sometimes it's cool to eat so much you want to pop) or living life without obsessively fixating on food/weight/exercise. That goes for bodybuilders and bikini competitors. Am I saying it's wrong to do those things? No. But just know that it's not normal--therefore, it is disordered. Just like it's not wrong to be a plastic surgeon but it IS wrong to go up to women and cut their boobs open and put silicone inside of them. Weird example maybe but hey I'm just proud of myself for not making this post 12 pages long.

These are only 20 of the habits that show disordered eating. This list is not all-encompassing. Doesn't that suck? Our society is disordered. Such a shame. Don't buy into it! Body knows best. What behaviors do you see that are disordered? Let me know down below.

*Dieting is the single most important risk factor for developing an eating disorder. Girls who diet moderately are 5 times more likely to develop an eating disorder than those who don't diet, and those who diet severely are 18 times more likely*

Eat More, Weigh Less?

Hi humans!

I'm just going to jump right into what I want to say today: eating less does not equate to weighing less.

A couple of days ago I was in my yoga class when I heard three girls behind me talking about their 1200-calorie-a-day-paleo-diet which consisted of NO fruit, no grains, lots of chicken, turkey, and more chicken. One of the girls talked about how she had a hard time FILLING her macros (lol wut), and how she was planning on cutting her intake further the next week. (LOL WUT)

I listened to them talk about this for quite a while before I finally turned around.

"You know, I eat upwards of 6,000 calories a day. Mostly carbs."

They looked at me with shock and disbelief. 

"Do you like, run a lot?"

"No. Not at all."

"You're like, really skinny.."

"Yeah, I recently gained 20 pounds, too."

"You don't gain weight eating 6000 calories?"

"No. I have been trying but it seems the more I eat the harder it is to gain weight."

"I wish I could do that!"

"You can. You're essentially starving yourself eating that little."

*stops talking, even though I want to start lecturing*

In the past, hearing people talk about their low-calorie diets and intense exercise regimens would trigger me like no other. Now, it just makes me sad FOR THEM.

With no disrespect, the girls in that class that were talking about their 1200 calorie diet were not slim. Rather, they were quite overweight. 

Based on the fact that (through my eavesdropping) I learned that this 1200 calorie diet had been going on for two years now, obviously something is not working. 

Our society has a really huge problem with believing that eating less is going to make them lose weight. Um, no.

Yes, the amount of energy you consume is relevant to the energy expended--but all you are doing by eating that little is KILLING your metabolism and making it impossible to lose weight because your body is desperately clinging to any and all of the food you give it.

Once you start giving your body the energy is really needs and deserves, your metabolism will be on fire and start working normally again.

I believe EVERYONE should consume at least 2500. As a minimum.

You're a man? More. You exercise? More. You use your brain a lot on a daily basis? More. Pregnant? More. Pretty much if you do anything other than lay in bed all day--more. 

I'm not recommending that everyone eats as much as I do, because I know that my metabolism is ridiculously fast and it is uncommon. I get that. However, the people who think that eating LESS is going to make them weigh less are really missing out on thousands of calories of food that could actually be helping them LOSE weight.

There are countless stories out there of people who were running miles upon miles every day and eating a minuscule amount of calories--only to be "skinny fat" and not making the progress that they want. Enter: more calories and less cardio (usually replaced with strength training) and that person suddenly has their ideal physique. Imagine that.

The stress of cardio on your body mixed with such a low amount of calories sends your body into confusion and panic mode. It holds onto every bit of food because it's unsure when it will be fed again. Not good.

I could talk for hours about this, but I'll just leave you with this:

Eat more, weigh less.

(No I'm not saying you can just eat and eat and never gain weight indefinitely.)

Give your body what it needs and it will thank you. Stop the stupid restrictive diets and eliminating food groups because you think it will make you skinny. Just stop. 

If you choose to ignore this message, no problem. I'll just be over here with my carb-filled bagel and continue struggling to GAIN weight.

Let's Talk About Depression

Hi humans!

I have been wanting to write this post for a while, but every time I think about starting I get stressed out. I have so many thoughts and so much I want to say, but I don't know how. I feel like I don't even have the energy to begin this post--even thinking it DRAINS me.

I feel like it's my obligation, however, to write this post. I needed a post like the one you're about to read, but I could not find anything of the like when I searched online. I have a feeling that the reason behind this is the same reason why I've been putting this off.

That said--I guess I'll start talking.

Depression wasn't something I ever understood or could grasp until recently. I was such a happy kid, and in high school I was always very happy, well-liked, and content in my mental state.

My senior year of high school I had a boyfriend that struggled with pretty bad depression, and it infuriated me. I always blamed myself-- I was frustrated when he was amidst a strong episode of depression because from the outside looking in his life was fantastic. I tried to remind him of all the good things he had in his life, and he told me that my saying that didn't help anything. I didn't understand. I wanted to, but I have learned that you simply cannot understand depression unless you have personally experienced it.

Freshman year of college was when I developed my eating disorder. The next 2 and a half years were spent struggling with anorexia--it started slow and fully engulfed me by the end of my sophomore year. I constantly denied I had a problem to others and myself because when I researched anorexia I found that those who had the disease isolated themselves, were depressed, anxious, etc. I was not that way. I went out every night, I constantly was surrounded by friends, and I was actually extremely happy--no lie. Of course, I battled body image and food demons but truly and honestly I was happy with my social life and when I laid in bed at night I was happy--certainly not depressed or anxious.

Mid-junior year when my BMI hit single digits was when I got a very harsh wake-up call: I hit rock bottom with my (lack of) food and (excessive) exercise. One night as I struggled to fall asleep after eating a large amount of food and feeling awful, I felt myself dying. I knew I would die--I'm talking in HOURS or DAYS--if I didn't make a change immediately. I give all credit to God for this strange switch in my mindset, because I know 100% I would not have been able to decide that for myself given the deep hole I was in at that point.

The next day I immediately canceled my gym membership and began eating 3,000 calories every day. I'm going to fast forward to stick with the point of this post--I gained twenty pounds within a couple of months and ever since then (this was almost a year ago) I have been in recovery, trying to gain back more weight and get my mentality "fixed."

June of this year was when I first noticed something was weird with me. I didn't feel like myself--I often felt extremely hopeless for no reason. Some days I would be fine one moment and the next I would erupt into a fury of tears, panic attacks, and shallow breathing. I found myself making excuses to leave things early or just not go because I literally could not bring myself to do what I was supposed to be doing.

I was either feeling absolute euphoria or the most wretched, painful and desperate sadness. There was absolutely no middle ground. I didn't know why, and I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling. I didn't sleep. Ever. (I still don't.)

Upon talking to my doctor who had all along been helping me recover from anorexia, we decided that I was battling depression. It didn't shock me--I know it is prevalent in my genetics, and I already expected that diagnosis when I walked in the doors of her office that morning.

I was prescribed 7 different things over the upcoming months. Nothing worked--while one helped with my sleep, it made everything else worse. One of the medications (Prozac) gave me suicidal thoughts--something I had never experienced ever before. It terrified me and I immediately stopped any and all forms of medication. I don't like the way they make me feel.

Here's the thing I wish I would have known when I was going through this: It is EXTREMELY normal for someone that struggled with a restrictive eating disorder to be MORE depressed upon entering recovery. 

The reason for this is because while your body was starved it was not feeling. Your emotions were little to nonexistent because a starved body simply lacks the energy to provide you with a plentiful and intense array of emotions--the same reason your sex drive was low and you don't get overly excited about many things, you also likely were not ever feeling negative emotions as strongly.

Once you start providing your body with much needed fuel and energy, it begins to produce all of those hormones and emotions again. Generally this happens after a few months of re-feeding. This held true for me--I consider the first couple of months from my recovery the "honeymoon phase" because I was extremely happy, energetic, and pleased by how simple things were. I did deal with negative body thoughts regularly, but overall I was much, much happier than I was when I was dying.

After my body regained some weight, the food started serving as fuel for my brain and hormones and FEELINGS. ALL OF THE FEELINGS. This is where depression came in. 

I felt so confused at this point because first of all, things had been going SO well up until that point. Second, I felt like I was doing something wrong by recovering because I was not depressed while I was taken over by my eating disorder. It was like I traded one mental illness for another--this second one felt harder to me, so I often questioned my recovery and even sometimes would plan a relapse.

After about two months of this strange depression, things got better for a while all on their own. Maybe because I was so busy with school, working full time, etc...but it's hard to say, really. I now assume that it is simply because depression comes and goes with no rhyme or reason. How rude.

About a month or so ago, the depression came back. It came back stronger and harder than the first time. 

Again, I questioned my recovery, wondered what was wrong with me, and had life-ending thoughts that terrified me. 

My thoughts: I have a job. I'm about to graduate from college. I have the most amazing boyfriend, a house to live in, a supportive family, financial security, etc..... (I would constantly make gratitude lists and force myself to see how lucky and blessed I am, all to no avail.)

Those that I confided in with my depression did the same. Why are you sad? You have so much to be grateful for. My mom suggested it was a post-surgery depression, as can often times happen. Maybe so, maybe not.

The thing is, I'm NOT sad. I do not describe this feeling as being sad whatsoever. It's almost more of a numb feeling--talking begins to exhaust me and all I can do is sit in silence and stare. Cleaning my room becomes as challenging as running a marathon, and doing homework might as well be open-heart surgery.

Some days I don't want to live anymore. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world. Some days I don't know how I'm going to get through it--but I do. Inevitably, it comes back. It goes away, but gosh...it comes back.

I still wonder...why did I have to trade one disease for another? Why is this so hard, and why can't it be easy like everyone says? Surely I must be a strange exception for struggling with depression while in recovery from anorexia and supposedly gaining my life back...

But I'm not. I know that people struggle with this and they just don't talk about it. Because it's hard, it's shameful, it's not the norm portrayed to society...

We share our highlights with the world--the things that we're proud of, the fun things we're doing, the awards we have received...

I'm not saying this is wrong. I just am saying that I would like to share BOTH the very glamorous and the horribly ugly sides of my life. 

People don't see me as a depressed person--people see me as a happy, tiny ball of energy that likes to always tell jokes and make people laugh. I am willing to bet that no one knows I struggle with depression. Because depression isn't always what it's painted out to be: a person laying in a dark room sobbing, eating ice cream, binge-watching Netflix...

Depression is me putting on a full face of makeup, a new outfit, curling my hair and going to class. It's me hanging out with friends, walking my dog, and typing up blog posts. It's doing all these things whilst feeling like I cannot do the very thing I'm doing. It's holding back emotions and wanting to call in sick because I AM sick. But you can't call in depressed.

I would like to talk more about this. I want to show people that this is something that needs to be taken far more seriously and stop people from throwing around the term 'depressed' like it's a cool new word to say.

It's so much more complex than I could ever convey to anyone. I don't need to explain it to those who don't know what it's like--but I do need for people to understand that they do not understand. 

No questions today--just thoughts.

Friendly Reminders

Hi humans!

Today, I have some friendly reminders for you all.

1. Just because fruit has sugar does not make it "bad." If you're restricting fruit from your diet because someone told you bananas are high in sugar--I'm sorry. Whoever told you that was misinformed and clearly unaware that fruit is, in fact, healthy for you. 

2. If someone is being rude to you and you feel awful about yourself after, remember that their actions are solely a reflection of how they feel about themselves. I know for a fact that I'm sassier to my boyfriend when I'm having a bad body image day, or am not feeling 100% mentally. Don't let mean people get you down.

3. Serving other people will make you feel better. If you're having a bad day I can almost guarantee that it will make you feel a thousand times better if you go out of your way to do something for someone else. It doesn't even have to be huge! Something as simple as writing a note, giving a call, or baking cookies for a friend...doing these things literally releases happy hormones into that bod of yours.

4. You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. I know you've heard it before, but honestly--you don't. When I was little, this phrase had a different meaning. It was what my mom told me when I wanted the new, cool toy. Now, it means that I don't have to follow the diet trend, fashion fad, or workout regimen that is being portrayed by society as the "the thing to do." Nope! You don't have to do it. I promise.

5. The people who care about you will not think that you're a burden if you ask for help. If you need help, ASK. 

6. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to alter plans that you have had for a long, long time. You do not have to finish everything you start. Doing so does not make you a failure--would you rather drive all the way down the wrong road, only to have to come back...or would you rather make a u-turn as soon as possible? 

7. No number can define you. Not weight, height, age, waist size, GPA, salary, debt...no. Numbers mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. As hard as this is because we tend to put numbers as #1 in our efforts, it's important to remember that a number really is silly and meaningless. 

8. You don't have to "deserve" a food, and similarly, you don't have to burn of anything you eat that you consider "bad." Balance is a term that is emphasized a lot nowadays--my thoughts? I say screw balance. If you want to eat a gallon of ice cream sometimes, do it. If you want to skip the gym for a year, do it. Do what makes you feel good, and don't justify everything you do by saying #balance. 

9. You're hot. Really, look at that butt. Work it, sista. (Or brotha.)